Talking to one of my best friends of all time a few days ago, we had an unusually deep conversation about the pressures of her life.
I’ve always viewed her as this incorruptible force of positivity and achievement. We’re very close friends so we share a lot of private details with one another about finances, relationships and health.
During our conversation she shared with me how much she made last year as a self employed person. I was astonished. First of all, to me it was a big number. Then I was shocked because my very next thought was, “I’m so poor”.
I’m being honest. That’s what I thought. I’m not saying it was a great thought to have. Note to all the money mindset experts reading this right now: I get why the thought was limiting and I’m working through it.
As my friend and I talked through more details my perception of her and her money started to shift. I asked more questions. She shared more about her life. Slowly, the real picture started to emerge. Things really weren’t as perfect as I had made them out to be in my mind. Not that I ever wish anyone unwell. Especially not her! I want everyone to be taken care of. It’s just that I realized I had been assuming her life was “made” because of the number after the $ sign.
It turns out that she’s been hustling and pushing to make ends meet in her own way. As any self-employed person can attest, there’s no one else to fall back on. The money simply has to come in no – matter – what. The end. There’s a reason the girl breaks a sweat everyday while working from home. It’s because she’s driven to put those earnings to good use.
So why am I telling you this story?
I think we have a serious problem making assumptions about the intimate details of another person’s happiness factor based on how things appear from the outside in. And a lot of that has to do with our perception of wealth.
It’s incredibly comfortable for me to create a reality for a total stranger based on what I can observe. The problem is, that I haven’t got a clue. Dig a little deeper and you’re sure to find that everyone is struggling with some thing.
And there’s one area where this is especially true: money.
Oh the dreaded money talk. Who here hates to talk about money raise your hand? I know I sure do. But God, how curious I am.
Once a coach friend of mine bluntly pointed out that I could be tying my self-worth to my money. Bad idea. If I perceive myself to have too little of it then I am too little. If believe that I do not have enough than I am not enough. If I have debt then I am en-debited and therefor am not able to be free or equal.
This is clearly a problem.
Invert that relationship and what amount of money will ever be enough to feel enough?
I’m sure you can think of at least one person who has fallen prey to this kind of thinking.
But I truly believe, and maybe there is some research somewhere out there to back this up, that those who come from low income or single parent homes have a really hard time disassociating their self-worth from their net worth.
This has to change.
Basing one’s value on things that can change is like building a house on shifting sands.
That applies to yourself and to those around you. As hard as it can be to disassemble this kind of thinking, it’s incredibly important if you want to succeed.
The truth is no one is better or worse. Not one person on this planet in the history of humanity has more or less value than another. If this sounds incorrect to you as it did to me when I fist heard it, then you may have some meditating to do.
I’m on a journey to get my mind open to the possibility that even if I had one dollar to my name or negative $100,000.00 dollars hanging over me, I would still be valuable and worthy.
What about you? I want to know if you can relate. Have you ever felt like your worth is tied to something changing? Or have you ever felt like your money dictates your value? I want to hear from you.
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