Learning to love a dog is lot like learning to love your art.
Mike and I had been talking about getting a dog for several months before we finally took the plunge. Admittedly, I was extremely resistant to the idea because I didn’t grow up with dogs. I knew that although they are little lovers, the reward of owning a dog comes at a cost.
If you’re a dog owner, you know what I’m talking about. It’s incredibly hard at times and I wasn’t at all convinced that I’d be a good doggy mom. But God how I wanted to be seen as a “dog person”. Dog people are better people. They are viewed by society as benevolent and warm-hearted…unlike cat people who get a totally bad wrap.
Cat People, Dog People
In fact, my cat loving nature comes out of a very long family tradition. My great-grandmother began breeding show cats after her retirement in 1952. When I would visit her Tampa Bay bungalow as a kid, I’d play in her little cat-breeding bunker out in the back yard. Of course, I only met my great-grandmother once when I was just born so I never knew her. But I got to know her a little bit through the legacy of creativity she left behind.
Cats are so much a part of our family heritage that there are even two matching portraits of my mother and aunt painted as cats, one blonde and the other red head.
So when Mike’s obsession with getting a dog reached a fever pitch, I caved in reluctantly and we took the plunge. Like I said, I wanted to be one of those “dog people”. So I rationalized that ultimately it would be good for me get out side of my comfort zone.
Once we brought our little fur baby home I began to experience a wide variety of emotions. And one day I realized after a fairly traumatic event that loving this dog was a lot like loving my writing…it was going to take a hell of a lot of hard work. And it was going to take more than a feeling to keep me committed. In the beginning, it’s love at first sight. Everything feels right. You’re cooing and basically infatuated with the idea of bringing this precious creature home. You’re even good at giving a few commands without putting in too much work.
It’s all so new and exciting and you have visions of all the special moments that you’ll get to share together. You get to buy new toys, do a lot of research and spend time getting to know each other. You’re even inducted into a whole new subculture of people with the same kind of relationship. You feel slightly special. Like somehow you’ve arrived.
This is a lot of work
Boundaries are a lot harder to enforce than you had imagined. Maintenance, unexpected emergencies, fear about doing it right, and overwhelm with all the responsibility that comes with this new relationship start to mount.
Each time something goes wrong the anxiety increases. You yell and regret it. You pitch a fit and feel like a baby. You think about all the money that you’ve invested that’s been chewed up. And you can’t believe that it really requires this much supervision! You wonder if you made the right decision and ultimately you consider giving up.
Finally the pros and cons list makes an appearance. You ask yourself, “Is this really worth all the trouble?”
Cons outweigh the pros considerably. Maybe it is time to make a hard decision. Actually, it is time to make a difficult decision. You realize that no matter what you choose, there is no getting off scot-free. Either you give up or you give yourself over to it. And each road is laden with both struggle and peace.
Which will it be?
You go with the facts. Head over heart. No vacation, big time and resources investment, no guarantee that everything will work as planned, a huge learning curve and possibly you might not be able to start a family for a few years.
So you pull the trigger. You get all old yeller on yourself. Detachment sets in and you start to make plans to surrender. You brace yourself and then you look the poor dear right in the eyes with determination to end the relationship.
You break into uncontrollable, big fat crocodile tears.
“How could I have ever considered giving you up?”, you say as you look into his innocent eyes.
Suddenly, you feel like you’ve passed a great test. In spite of all the troubles and future set backs you’re somehow strangely committed to this relationship. In fact, there’s a new sense of optimism that falls into focus. You think to yourself, “When something goes wrong, we’ll just roll with it…we’ll figure it out with the help of professionals and God.”
Now you understand yourself a little bit more. Perhaps you’re even willing to see that all the pain of being pushed outside your comfort zone was good for you.
You secretly reflect and come to the unflattering conclusion that you were just resisting all the hard work that this relationship requires. In all honesty, you just weren’t totally comfortable having a relationship with something who’s success depends on you.
After accepting that you feel like an insensitive monster for even considering giving up, you surprise yourself by how willing you are to get your hands dirty now. Without even hesitating you find yourself doing things you never imagined you’d be comfortable doing. And what’s more you begin to feel more open and flexible with the all the changes.
You’re growing.
Something has shifted for you. Before it was a drag to train, but now you’re more comfortable with opportunities to learn and teach. You have more grace then you did before. And quite frankly, you now look for ways to improve the relationship. This love is covering a multitude of frustrations.
It’s all a process you remind yourself.
When you start to see the payoff of hanging in there, you fall more in love than you ever thought was possible. You’ve developed a friendship and bond that isn’t easily disrupted by disappointments, failures, illnesses or detours from the plan.
You’re in it for the long haul and now you can have fun.
Aw- sweetie- dogs, horses, kids, marriage, writing, working out- its really all the same. Any relationship goes through these exact same things! Relationships with pets are just as important as family, but with pets you are absolutely right- the only one who can fail at making it work is you. Just like with creating any sort of good habit or pursuing any passion. You are doing great- and the fact the you are being so mindful about it proves it!
This is such a great post! As a dog owner (and a writer) I know how hard and inconvenient and trying it can be. Its pure love that gets us through and makes it all worthwhile.
Oh my, you see clearly. Great parallels. My doggies are two of my joys. Lisa Marrie and Mini Li (LEE). A lot of extra effort,expense,and deep down dedication. The pay back is all worth it. If only the people we love responded as that doggie does. NO MATTER WHAT! They will always love you back. I wish I could post a photo of this morning. It is rain soaked here in Houston and the two girls did not want me to go to work. They went and got in their beds and laid there like looking at me like ” If we just lay here maybe he won’t go to work.”