We’ve all been there; questioning our career path and calling, desperate for direction and meaning, wanting to find work that we love. But when you keep avoiding the person you really are, you create a ripple effect in your life. Your relationships suffer, your finances may suffer, and most importantly your health may suffer.
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Ironically, pursuing a career as a health coach began to take a toll on my health.
There are many reasons why we avoid stepping into the roles we were born to fulfill but I believe there are 5 main reasons why you and I overlook or even avoid our calling.
1. We rationalize a safe option
I remember where I was the moment I decided to go back to school to get certified in Holistic Nutrition. I had just watched an inspiring health documentary for the seventh time and was convinced that I had to become a health coach.
After all, I had worked in the Whole Body department in Whole Foods for years and fell in love with helping people find the supplements, skin care, and healthy food they needed to improve their lives. I helped so many different kinds of people and was hopeful that someday I would find my way out of the grocery store and into a more reputable line of work. I wanted to find a career where I could put to use all that I had learned while working in the wellness industry. Or so I thought. Like a lot of people my age who are unclear about their future, I decided to go back to school.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I would make a living off of my art so I looked to something seemingly more secure, which in my case was more education despite the fact that I had just graduated from college.
But I never stopped to evaluate what I really wanted to do deep down in my gut. Ironically, months before deciding to return to school for nutrition I had begun secretly writing a business plan for a small boutique because I had been somewhat successful selling thrifted clothing on Etsy.
It was right there from the beginning; right under my nose. Two paths. One subtle and more intimidating path. And another path more obvious, clearly laid out, and “secure”.
Ignored the things that came naturally to me like photography, styling, and curating I tossed art aside because it felt “too” easy. And I leapt headlong into something that I believed was sure to make me into a respectable career woman.
2. We’re gifted in many areas and get stuck
I love being healthy. I like reading about health and wellness, holistic remedies and pointing my friends and family to the best resources, experts, and products. That doesn’t mean that I’m best suited to be a health coach. I’m good at health coaching by some people’s standards.
However, you and I aren’t just gifted in one area; we’re gifted in many. Usually we come with lots of different talents, passions, and skill sets that can be used very well across many industries. That’s a good thing. But it can confuse you if you’re not careful.
I was good at helping people. I was so good at my job at Whole Foods that I thought that’s what had missing all those years while in art school. I like serving people, I love connecting with them, listening to them, and encouraging them. I care about their wellbeing and happiness. People needed health advice so to help people, I got knowledgeable about health.
Not a bad thing. And for a while, an intensely rewarding thing. But was it really “me”?
3. We’re trying to do more “noble” work
From the very moment I started my training I would vacillate back and forth between style and art, and health and wellness.
The more I wrestled with these feelings the more confused I felt. I’d go all in on health coaching for a while and feel like things were moving forward. I’d promote a talk about the danger of sugar and have a private meltdown because I felt like a fraud.
I reasoned that because I’m gifted at teaching and certified in nutrition, I should keep doing this work even though I was emotionally and physically drained by it.
It doesn’t matter how well you put on a facade, it takes a lot of energy to pretend being comfortable. And I was not comfortable. Not for much of it.
For over 3 and half years I had a monthly cooking segment on my local TV station. I loved connecting with the hosts and getting to know them and I loved picking out my outfits, and styling the set with my beautiful table cloth and flowers. But I hated trying to write the recipe and time everything perfectly in my head to prepare a meal on live television. It was utterly nerve wracking. But I’m a professional and believed that because I had a worked hard to get certified, worked hard to earn the trust of my clients, and worked hard to get the chance to be on TV that I had to keep doing this.
I thought if I chose to focus on selling clothes on Etsy, cleaning out my clients closets, or styling photo shoots people would think I was giving up and hate me.
I genuinely believed that all my clients could tell how scared I was inside, how hard I was trying to please them and help them. It was painful for me and painful for the people around me like my parents and husband who would have to talk me off the ledge every time I doubted the care I had given to a client. I never knew if what I was doing was actually helping them. And it wasn’t until I got my first closet clean out client that I knew I had been working too hard to fit my square self into a round career.
After that first closet clean out, which I did for free, I felt like a million bucks. I left, what would later become my best friend’s house, on cloud nine knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I helped her. I knew in my heart and gut that I had made a difference in her life.
But I still didn’t think it was as valid as health coaching, because when compared on the surface it’s clear that health is more valuable than clothing.
4. We’re afraid to be who we really are
I keep hearing this saying that people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death. This isn’t true.
People talk in public and in group settings all the time. What people are really saying is that they’re afraid of being totally alone and vulnerable with nothing to hide behind and being rejected for who they really are.
“I’m up there all alone and if I fail I’ll have nowhere to hide!”, we think to ourselves.
That’s why all these TV talent shows are so compelling. We love to see people get up there and risk it all to win the approval of a room full of fellow flawed and fallible human beings. It’s so rewarding and we can’t help but imagine ourselves in their shoes, putting our most authentic voices out there and being accepted. But what happens in our daily lives is that we have many places to hide behind. Family, friends, bills, kids, appointments, and cell phones are wonderful distractions to our inner voice calling us in the direction of our deepest longings. By using these things as distractions we can get away with not being true to who we really are and what we’re really capable of.
It’s not that healthy living isn’t true to me, it’s just a small part of who I am. I can tell you what vitamins to take all day long, but when we’re talking about vitamins and I learn that you have more going on than a vitamin can fix, I get very nervous.
At this point in a career you’d naturally be asking yourself, “Do I get more training and tighten up my skill set to better serve this person or do I face the thing I’m most afraid of facing and cut my losses?”
5. We’re holding on to “sunk costs”
That’s the thing about switching horses in midstream, it’s dangerous to our egos. We may look less professional, put together, or confident. But that’s ok. As Chris Guillebeau points out in his book Born For This, “there’s almost nothing you can’t recover from career wise.”
Yet many of us, myself included would rather hold on to delusion until it kills us.
One of the members of a group coaching program I’m in pointed out what I was doing. He said, “We have a term in accounting called sunk cost. What you’re doing is trying to avoid losing what you already have invested.”
“What you need to do,” he said, “is suck it up, move on and don’t look back.”
Powerful words.
So this is where I am. For the first time in 6 years I’m setting aside my ego and role of health coach to step into the person I really know I am: an artist.
My mentor, Jeff, messaged me a few weeks ago with a video of director Kevin Smith talking about the process of making his first film Clerks. In the interview he explains that though the first screening of the film bombed, it didn’t matter. He loved who he was when he was making the movie. Success wasn’t his metric. Love was.
Without Kevin’s knowledge at the time, Clerks would go on to become a cult classic which would launch his decades long career. Turns out the hard work and risk of creating art that he loved paid off.
Jeff asked me, “So what are you doing when you most love who you are?”
For me, it’s making art. It’s helping people. It’s style, fashion, beauty, and simplicity. It’s encouraging people to embrace living a simple yet beautiful life. Every time I would play over in the art sandbox, my anxiety would lift, my step would regain its pep, and my health would improve. It’s like my body knew that I was happier in that role.
I just had to get to the point where I was willing to let go, suck it up, and move on.
Almost as if by clockwork, doing this opened the door to signing a closet clean out client that is willing to invest in her simple, beautiful dream. I accepted my losses, opened the door to what I really wanted, and saw that a career and calling to help and inspire people was waiting on the other side.
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Thank you for writing this. For putting your story out to us and articulating so well the fear of cutting our losses and the challenge and confusion of multi-giftedness. Thanks too for sharing Jeff’s question. I am posting that by my desk. For years I wrote for other people (copy writing, ghost writing) and I did a great job. But I got very tired of perfectly mastering the voice of who I was currently writing for and I very nearly forgot my own voice. So what am I doing when I most love who I am? What I am doing now! Articulating and empathizing (in written and spoken words) the implications of grief and loss and unwanted change AND inviting others to the surprising joy and courage and strength that comes when we step into the new normal that follows the grief and change. It’s been almost a year since I took a leap off that cliff (writing my work in my voice). Some days I feel super wobbly in this new and scary place. And other days I feel momentum and confidence building. Today, this article was such an affirming boost! Thank you BUNCHES!
Hey Carrie! You’re amazing. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I love that your speaking with your unique voice. We need that in the world. We so need it. Thanks for being you and putting your wisdom out there. ((Hugs))
Awesome, friend! Good for you! So excited to see how you grow into this next adventure.
Thanks love! You’re such a supporter and a good friend. Thanks for being a friend thru all these phases. ♥️
Beautiful, Brianna! Thank you for sharing your story… And your heart! Thank you for being honest with yourself and acknowleding the truth about who you were created to be for…the truth will set you free! Blessings and Godspeed to you in the days ahead! The sharing of your Journey will be an inspiration to others…
Hello Alice!
Thank you so much for reading my story. It means so much to me. Thank you for the blessings. It feels good to know that I’m being obedient to who God has created me to be. Blessings to you as well!
XO,
Bri
P.S. It goes without saying, however, you are gifted in so many ways and I can see how it would take some time to determine the right path for your career journey! A dear friend and counseling mentor once told me to be aware that it is healthy for relationships…and individuals…to “grow as they change, and change as they grow.” And, I have found that to be so true!
Alice! Thanks so much for your PS message. It’s truly helpful to hear that we change as we grow. <3 hugs
Increadible post from the heart! I appreciate the raw honesty. I am actually in the process of changing careers from an engineer to a full-time writer. It is hard hanging in the balance right now but it feels so blissful taking each new step toward who I really am.
Thank you so much for saying so Jordan! That’s amazing to hear that you’re changing careers too. Full-time writer sounds wonderful! You’re going to do so well. Please stay in touch and let me know how things go. ((hugs))
XO,
Bri
…Wow, spot-on and well written. I think I’ve been experiencing all of the above and have made some adjustments, but there’s still more to do. I especially struggle with too many interests and the worry that something isn’t noble enough, or promising enough as a career. I’m on the fence about teaching — sometimes I love it. It also seems noble and stable, and it’s something I’ve become pretty good at. But when I take teaching jobs, I burn out quickly and forget about fiction writing, which is the core of what I’ve always wanted to do. It’s a dilemma, since I have to fund my art somehow while it’s still in the pre-professional stage!
Anyway, thanks for this wonderfully clarifying post. Well done. ^_^
Thanks so much Randi for reading and commenting. I feel you girl! Nothing is wasted in Gods economy. I like how our mentor Jeff puts it, build a bridge. What would it look like for you to build a bridge out of teaching and into fiction writing?
My husband is in the same position as you in a way. He’s a firefighter and wants to get back into music. It’s harder to build a bridge when your job is your main source of income.
So excited for you!!
Bri
This is amazing Bri! I’ve been watching you for years (hehe), and I can’t tell you how proud I am that you’re making this “leap” into the world where you find one your greatest joys!! Reading that piece about “sunk costs” really resonated, and no doubt, tons of folks out there stay in a job/career they hate because they’ve sunk so much into getting there. It reminds me of a recurring story at the dinner table of my childhood. Dad would explain that you had to eat everything on your plate because money didn’t grow on trees (not to mention the starving children in Africa). So, I would be forced to consume too much food simply because I had placed it on my plate. Wow! I guess life’s little lessons can steer us in good and bad directions at the same time. Although I try to be more “intentional” with food portions, I find myself consuming things I shouldn’t, simply because I can’t just toss it in the garage. Thanks for sharing!!
Thanks so much mom!
You’re so right. And I love the connection you’ve made between sunk costs and accepting things you don’t need or want. If it’s not going to serve you, be healthy, or beneficial why do we accept it?
Good point! (((hugs)))
Bri
Thank you for this. It is a beautifully written piece with so much honesty and poise. I’m learning this too. I think one by one we all go through this. I’ve always wanted to write and illustrate books for children. I just finished my first one and am working on the next. I thought I wanted to write about healthful eating and taking care of the body God gave us but I was like you. It’s not a one size fits all. I was deeply over my head on that. But now I feel that even though my art is not as good as all the other art out there, it is my art and it is a gift. I love it when others see what I do and are happier for it. I’m reading Jeff’s new book. His work is so helpful.
Hey Hanna!
You’re amazing. Thank you for reading and commenting. I genuinely appreciate it. I love that you write and illustrate children’s books. Congrats on finishing your first one!! Woohoo. There is no art shaming allowed on this website. (wink wink) Your art is no better or worse than anything else out there. We can always grow our skill in any craft. That’s a given. But it’s the commitment that sets us apart. You’re totally on the right track with reading Jeff’s books. Let me know if I can serve you in any way.
((hugs))
Bri
So proud of you for being true to yourself and following your heart! I know you’ll do amazing things whichever path you choose. Thanks for sharing your heart and your journey with us. ????
Haley! Thank you so much for being with me on this journey. You’ve seen me through so many different phases. Thanks for your friendship and encouragement, for reading and for walking with me. ????
Hi Brianna,
Your story is so inspiring and told with such heart-felt honesty. And to tell the truth, it felt almost as if I were reading my own story. I also went back to school for Holistic Nutrition and have been on a very similar journey. Thank you so much for sharing and I wish for you continued happiness and success!
Hey Maia! Thanks so much for reading. It means a lot to me to hear from you. It’s amazing how much we all share common experiences. What is the other career you’re interested in?
Thanks for your well wishes!
Bri
Brianna,
An excellent article. Change is tough. Pivoting as Jeff says is tough. But listening to your inner being will tell you the direction (at least for this time of your life) you need to be headed.
I felt your passion when you talked about art, style, organizing. I felt your confusion when you talked about helping others healthwise. Choosing a career vs choosing your path are two different things.
May you be filled with excitement, passion and drive as you switch feet.
I love this sentence:
He loved who he was when he was making the movie.
Love who God made you. Don’t try to please others.
Blessings,
Janis
Hi Janis!
Thanks for your kind words, for reading, and for commenting. You’re right. Change is tough. Thanks for reinforcing my love of art. It’s definitely appreciated. You’re very wise and I will do as you recommend: love who God made me to be. 🙂
Xo,
Bri
Bri, thanks for sharing, I can definitely relate in some ways, – transitions, being gifted., etc. What you shared reminds me of people who are 7s in Enneagram and “Obligers” from Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies. Btw, I am a 7 and an Obliger ????
Thanks for reading Vebs! So interesting you mention Enneagram. My friend was just telling me to look into it. I will definitely take a look. ((Hugs))