When we want to make a positive change in our lives there’s such a strong desire to make concrete changes that out last the fierce winds of impulse and the unplanned havoc of daily life.

In other words, we want change and we want it now.

I’m cool with that, except for when you already have way too much on your plate. Change should not cause chaos. Neither internal chaos nor external chaos.

Life is hectic even when we think it isn’t. There’s the external chaos of cars, traffic, emails, bills, baby throw up, dog throw up, missed calls, too many texts, emergencies and not having enough time to take a shower. And then there’s the internal chaos of fear, anxiety, keeping track of the mental ‘to-do’ list, relationships, self-talk, negative self-talk, planning and dreaming.

It’s a lot.

But it become the norm. So much so, that when we set out to make a small adjustment in our lives, there’s a lot of headache, hassle, resistance and drama that comes along with it. As a result, you end up failing and feeling worse off then you did before you decided to change.

good questions to ask yourself

A question I ask a lot of my clients when we’re goal setting together is, “What’s your current availability to do this?”

Meaning, how much time and space do you actually have in your life to make this change? Is this the right time? What else do you have going on in your life? Are you the only one on board to make this change? Who else is with you? Do you have any other loose ends that need tying up before you can realistically get started on this?

Is this something that you authentically desire or is this an imposed desire? Do you actually need to be doing this right now or can it wait?

Have you slowed down enough to check in with yourself to see if this is what you really want?

The honest truth is, sometimes adding to your hefty pile of ‘to-do’s’ is the last thing you need to do. So how can you move towards the change that you desire without getting yourself into more hot water, loosing control and feeling more overwhelmed?

Take the gentle path.

You can’t solve the problem with the same thinking that got you here to being with. As one of my mentors says, “It was your best thinking that got you here.” So if you don’t really like where you are right now and are desperate for a big change then perhaps taking a look at your thinking and allowing some adjustments to be made there will bring you what you really desire.

If busyness and doing too much got us here then doing more won’t get us out.

Being gentle sounds so ineffective and counter intuitive, but the truth is it’s actually highly effective. Here’s why.

Small is manageable

This creates less stress for you. You can have peace knowing that even what some might consider small, is actually profoundly healing. Think about a tiny pebble that is thrown into a placid lake. It creates a ripple effect 10 times the size of the stone. You’re life is like that. When you keep it simple, you build confidence knowing that you’ve accomplished what you set out to do.

You would never criticize your best friend for needing to make changes in an organic, slow-n-steady-wins-the-race kind of way. So why are you criticizing yourself?

Creating super small gentleness breaks are a great way to get your subconscious on board. It’s kind of like saving a huge sum of money over a long period time by setting aside $10 a month rather than trying to to save huge amount all at once.

Take tiny breaks to fill your tank and overtime, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel.

Let’s look at the different areas of your life to see if you might be overloaded. A lot of positive, high achievers I know don’t actually realize that they’re overwhelmed and over doing it. No one told them it was OK to do less.

what really feeds your soul

One of the first things I teach my clients in our sessions is to look at their life. I teach that what really feeds our soul is called Primary Food.

Career
Finances
Home life
Relationships
Physical Activity
Spirituality

They aren’t in any particular order. But the important part is that you take an inventory, so to speak, of where you are in these areas. How do you feel about your career, your connection to God and your spirit? How much time do you have to devote to your meditation, prayer and writing? Are you happy with your home? Do you feel comfortable in it? Is it decorated in a way that you like?

Take some time right now to jot down the answers to these questions. Don’t worry about the meaning of the answers and try not to let it bother you if things aren’t where you’d like them to be. That’s OK! Life isn’t perfect and it never will be. Right now we’re just explorers gathering information.

Be curious. Not judgmental or disappointed. Easier said then done. But trust me, gearing your mind towards curiosity will come over time and it will help ease any frustration you feel about the state of your life.

slow and steady wins the race

I hate to break it to you, but there is no perfect health. There is no quick fix and there is no way to just eat well without also feeding the soul what it needs. Before you go setting all kinds of expectations on what your health journey should look like, take a gentleness break and love yourself up.

Stressing out about being healthy is counter productive. It causes you to feel overwhelmed and when you’re in that state of mind, it only produces more cortisol (the stress hormone that causes you to keep weight on). It also creates a space to make more self-defeating choices that aren’t made out of peace but out of fear.

It has taken me over 10 years to learn this. And I’m still learning it. It took me about 10 years to go from weighing 165 pounds to 135 pounds. I’ve been a vegetarian, a meat eater, a vegan and back again. I’ve been into yoga, cycling and walking and not working out at all. I’ve had good sleep and bad sleep. Acne and clear skin. I have had great health and a poor immune system.

I’m still learning and still growing. Health is a relationship between you, your body and God. It’s a gift that can never be replaced. Count your blessings and work with your body, not against it.

Progress is a process. Real change takes time and enormous amounts of love for self. So here’s to your health and happiness. Don’t be so hard on yourself sweetie.

How about you? How has taking a gentleness break helped you reach your health goals? Or are you looking forward to being more gentle in your life after reading this?

If you want someone who can help you walk the gentle path and reach your goals with peace and purpose then, I invite you to schedule a free break-through session with me now. Click here to set up a time to talk with me about what you want to create in your life.

Did you like this article and know someone else who would get a lot from reading it? I’d appreciate it if you share it with them!

good questions to ask yourself

Small is manageable

what really feeds your soul

slow and steady wins the race

About Brianna Lamberson

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